Say This, Not That When Setting Breast Boundaries

Some people mean well. Others? Not so much. Whether you’re in active treatment, navigating survivorship or just minding your business at a holiday gathering, unsolicited questions and offhand comments about your breast health can catch you off guard.

It’s uncomfortable, and you shouldn’t have to defend your choices, your diagnosis or your scars like they’re public property. That’s why it helps to have a few go-to responses that shut down the nosiness without escalating the moment.

Here are five ways to respond when someone crosses a line.

What you want to say: I don't ask about your Botox. Don't ask about my medical decisions.

Say instead: I keep my health decisions between me and my doctor. It’s what works best for me.

What you want to say: If I wanted to relive my medical trauma, I'd just open a medical bill.

Say instead: That’s not something I’m up for talking about right now, but I appreciate your concern.

What you want to say: How's your prostate, since apparently we're sharing?

Say instead: That’s pretty personal. I'd like to hear more about (change the subject).

What you want to say: I charge by the minute for emotional labor now. You use Venmo or Cash App?

Say instead: It’s been a lot to go through, and I’m trying not to rehash it all over the holidays.

What You Want to say: If I need a second opinion, I'll ask someone qualified.

Say instead: I’ve made choices that are right for me with the information I have. I’m at peace with them.

Believe us when we say that we’ve had plenty of snarky comebacks locked and loaded. But sometimes, keeping the peace is the saner choice, especially when you're trying to enjoy a holiday meal without turning it into a press conference. Still, just because you're polite doesn't mean you're alone. We've got your back, and you're not wrong for wanting to shut it down when the questions cross a line.